


Lost In Translation

by Lala_Sara



Series: E'Vira [2]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: M/M, Trans Character, Trills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 04:30:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6738295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lala_Sara/pseuds/Lala_Sara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Julian finds out something radically new about all Cardassian males in general and one old friend of Garak in particular. And Garak finds out the secret of the whole race.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost In Translation

**Author's Note:**

> I took some things from post-canon novels, mostly from "A Stitch in Time" by Andrew Robinson and "Crimson Shadow" by Una McCormack. But I twisted most of them. The point of all this series was to bend canon. I call this genre "loose canon" :) So I don't ignore canon but I will do everything to interpret it sideways. There are no facts, only interpretations, as Friedrich Nietzsche said ;)  
> I did it in script form (loosely) but exporting formatting into AO3 is a pain in the ass so you can download it with all formatting here (https://yadi.sk/i/c3Fjc70asSgzm)  
> I'm Russian and not confident enough about my English but I couldn't find English beta. If you are irritated by my mistakes enough to be my beta - you're most welcome!  
> It's in seven parts and maybe I will someday update with some Tolan, Tain and Mila stuff (written or drawn) but I think I'm done with Garak and Julian for now.

E’VIRA

Episode II

“LOST IN TRANSLATION”

Written by

Lala Sara

 

 

FADE IN:

INT. JULIAN’S APARTMENT

JULIAN and GARAK making out on the couch. Things are getting heated, sex starts. Garak is in Julian’s lap. Julian fucks Garak.

 

ELIM GARAK

Oh, My! Dear! Doctor!

TRANSITION

 

INT. CARDASSIAN HOSPITAL

And we see that it was only Julian’s day-dream.

THE NURSE

Doctor! Your patient is waiting. You haven’t slept well again?

JULIAN BASHIR

Ceffing heat. I think my brain is melting through my ears.

THE NURSE

I told you, oil compress.

JULIAN BASHIR

It doesn’t help much.

THE NURSE

I’m sure you’re just doing it wrong.

JULIAN BASHIR

(Sighing)

And it smells like fish. Why everything on Cardassia smells like fish? You live in a desert!

THE NURSE

The patient.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh, I’m sorry!

Julian hurries to other room where patient is waiting.

 

INT. GARAK’S APARTMENT

Julian is going in. He has the keys. He has the groceries.

ELIM GARAK

You’re early.

JULIAN BASHIR

At least a have a job.

ELIM GARAK

I’m still ambassador.

JULIAN BASHIR

I didn’t notice lately.

ELIM GARAK

You’re pressing this issue only because you suffer the climate. But on Earth it would be me who suffer it. And I’m out of dope, thanks to you, to lessen the suffering.

JULIAN BASHIR

You’re not doing your duty to Cardassia.

ELIM GARAK

It’s delightfully manipulative of you to invoke my duty, my dearest, but my ambassadorial duties are pale shadow of what I could do as Castellan.

JULIAN BASHIR

You’ve lost. Get over it. Moping about it doesn’t help anyone. Least of all you.

ELIM GARAK

It’s hard not to resent you for wanting exactly that, me losing. So I’m not ‘moping’ I’m resenting.

JULIAN BASHIR

Be glad you lost to Garan and not Temet. And you can always try again when her term ends. So stop resenting and get back on the riding hound, I heard it’s what you knew once how to do.

ELIM GARAK

It’s been only three days!

JULIAN BASHIR

Good. Then she didn’t finish re-establishing her cabinet.

ELIM GARAK

She already has the cabinet.

JULIAN BASHIR

She has to do some changes at least pro forma. Look, I would be really happy if you stay home and I could be your sugar daddy, I’m not doing it for me. I just know you will kill me in my sleep if you can’t do something useful for long.

ELIM GARAK

Sugar daddy? And you’re inconsistent - you’re not doing it for you but then you will end up murdered.

JULIAN BASHIR

If you kill me, I wouldn’t care anymore but you will suffer. Alone. And sugar daddy is... Ah, never mind. And I came early because I wanted to move little further in our relationship.

ELIM GARAK

Hm?

JULIAN BASHIR

I came early so we have more time for... Sex. I thought we are ready for it. But clearly your mood is... And now you totally ruined mine...

ELIM GARAK

(Smiles seductively)

Can I do something to get it back?

JULIAN BASHIR

I don’t know. Perhaps if you tell me that you will go to Garan tomorrow and try very hard to make it up with her.

ELIM GARAK

Oh, that woman!

JULIAN BASHIR

For me?

ELIM GARAK

I promise.

JULIAN BASHIR

I hope for your sake you’re not lying.

They kiss. They’re making out. They’re going to the couch. Julian sits down. Garak is in his lap - like in that day-dream. But then Garak lowers himself between Julian’s thighs. He is going to blow Julian. Julian shrugs - that’s good, too. We’re looking at Julian. He is enjoying himself. Maybe even too much? Because it’s too early to come, is it? But yes, Julian comes. He’s embarrassed slightly.

JULIAN BASHIR

I’m sorry. I think it’s all this abstinence and thinking about it too much. And heat. I’ll do better next time, I promise.

ELIM GARAK

(Gets up and sits by Julian)

You people are so quick. And even quicker when you haven’t done it for a while. It’s total opposite in Cardassians. Well, when...

JULIAN BASHIR

I’m not saying it’s all over.

Julian kisses Garak and then puts his hand on Garak’s still flat crotch.

JULIAN BASHIR

Next time would be now in a couple of minutes, so let’s get you going, too.

ELIM GARAK

(Backing down)

What are you doing?

JULIAN BASHIR

(Lowering himself)

Paying you back.

Garak jumps and backs down even more. Now he’s standing a meter away.

ELIM GARAK

I think there was a misunderstanding. What actually you were trying to do here?

JULIAN BASHIR

I don’t understand. I thought... If you didn’t want to, you should just say. There is no need to...

ELIM GARAK

Don’t want to? You think I CAN?

JULIAN BASHIR

Elim, what’s going on, you’re frightening me.

ELIM GARAK

What dictionary did you use to decipher my ‘code’? What edition?

JULIAN BASHIR

Edition? I don’t re... 1597 Edited by Dalmor Agher.

ELIM GARAK

(Looking devastated)

My dear doctor, I’m afraid the misunderstanding has taken place. I can no longer condone this so-called relationship. You must leave immediately. I am in great hopes we can keep the friendship but I believe we both need some time to recuperate next couple of... days. Goodbye.

JULIAN BASHIR

(Looking not less devastated)

What did I?.. What’s happening? Elim. Please, if it is misunderstanding we have to clear things up, not do the opposite. Look, I’ll go colder-hotter if you want. Does something in that edition was not like in other ones? It is because of that? Clearly I don’t know something. About your culture. What it can be? Something about sex? Something about homosexuality? Is it some kind of taboo? But... I don’t know. I have no idea what’s going on.

ELIM GARAK

Please. Leave. If you won’t leave I shall leave... To Earth.

JULIAN BASHIR

Maybe we both need to leave... I have some things on DS9 and Andor. I’ll go.

Julian stands up and fixes his clothes. He’s starting to leave. On the threshold he looks back.

JULIAN BASHIR

Is it in every edition except this one or?..

ELIM GARAK

Anything earlier. They started censoring after we met other races.

JULIAN BASHIR

It’s Ezri who found that one. I really don’t know where to look... You really can’t just tell me?

ELIM GARAK

(Sadly smirks)

Would you believe me?

Julian doesn’t answer.

ELIM GARAK

Go.

Julian is leaving but stops again when Garak starts to speak.

ELIM GARAK

I thought you knew what you are signing for, that’s all. I wanted this so much so I didn’t make sure, that’s my fault. Next time when you think you ‘decipher my code’ tell me first what did you decipher. It could be all wrong.

JULIAN BASHIR

It’s not all wrong, is it? You still want me. What is wrong then?

ELIM GARAK

Sometimes it’s not enough.

JULIAN BASHIR

Sometimes it is. What if it’s this time?

ELIM GARAK

I want it to be true but again sometimes to want is not enough.

JULIAN BASHIR

What if I promise I won’t leave you no matter what is your big secret?

ELIM GARAK

I will never do this to you. I will never make you stay if you don’t want to.

JULIAN BASHIR

Then tell me. And let me go. Not just... Let me go. They say you have to let go to find out if someone is yours. If they are yours, they will come back.

ELIM GARAK

(After a pause)

Would you believe me if I ‘just say’?

JULIAN BASHIR

Can I get proof here?

ELIM GARAK

Perhaps. Ask for highest medical clearance. They will do it for a contract for more than a year, I’m sure. You’re most valuable here.

JULIAN BASHIR

It’s something medical? Are you ill?

Julian turns back and worryingly tries to determine the illness while not touching Garak.

ELIM GARAK

I have a concomitant disease. And homosexuality is a genetic abnormality, after all.

JULIAN BASHIR

It’s not... Not the whole truth... It’s not just genetic... Tell me what shall I seek.

ELIM GARAK

Anything about sex really.

JULIAN BASHIR

I already know how Cardassians procreate. And believe me I’ve looked. I didn’t find anything on homosexual sex but...

ELIM GARAK

And you will not find if you have low clearance. I thought either dictionary or clearance... I was so sure you know... I’m so sorry...

Garak is starting to break apart. He sits down on the couch and wrings his hands.

JULIAN BASHIR

Okay. I will ask for clearance tomorrow. We’ll meet when I’ll know something.

ELIM GARAK

What about DS9 and Andor?

Garak is trying to distract himself.

JULIAN BASHIR

I was bluffing. I have nothing. Everything is gone with the old DS9. I had no time to evacuate my things. I was working.

ELIM GARAK

Even Kukalaka?

JULIAN BASHIR

Even Kukalaka.

ELIM GARAK

I’m so sorry.

JULIAN BASHIR

Yeah. Thank you. I’ll... Go. Don’t forget to meet Garan for the position.

Garak nods. Julian leaves. Garak starts weeping. He lifts his feet on the couch and buries his face in his knees.

ELIM GARAK

(To himself)

You’re still a fool, Elim.

TRANSITION

EXT. BAMARREN COMPLEX - NIGHT

Flashback to Hidden enclosure. Young Garak - he’s about fifteen in human years - sits in the same pose and weeps.

 

INT. CARDASSIAN HOSPITAL

Julian by the console deck.

JULIAN BASHIR

(To the nurse)

So... What will I find so drastic? The mystery of Cardassian sex.

THE NURSE

Well, you won’t tell anybody about this, right?

JULIAN BASHIR

Yeah, they made me sign the non-disclosure act.

THE NURSE

Let’s say... It hurts you personally not one bit.

JULIAN BASHIR

Really?

He reads. We don’t see what. After he finished:

JULIAN BASHIR

Yes. You’re right. It doesn’t hurt ME a bit.

The nurse smiles.

JULIAN BASHIR

Anything on how your people addressed this issue? They tried to... fix it?

THE NURSE

What’s to fix?

JULIAN BASHIR

Well... First of all, it gives disproportional power to one of the sexes...

THE NURSE

You mean ‘only’ power, right? What would men do if women didn’t have this power? I’ve studied humans, doctor, I know your history. I wanted to prepare myself for working with an alien. I know what in your world being a woman was and how you historically look at me. For me you are abnormality - not many men in my species has focus to be a scientist. But you look at me as a given. Female nurse is so right for you because your women didn’t have the right to be a doctor as lately as couple of hundred years ago. Nurse is all they got. For me being a nurse is just a step in my career. For you - it is my place. So I decided I won’t rely on you in my career movements, to not be disappointed.

JULIAN BASHIR

You can rely on me. I swear I don’t look at you like that.

THE NURSE

Thank you, but it’s not the automatic for you. Your mother doesn’t work.

JULIAN BASHIR

Because she chose to!

THE NURSE

You are so naive? Your personal culture - and yes, I've looked at it, too, is the most conservative even in your changed world. You have to take conscious effort to not do something misogynistic. I was in awe of what women in your world did to overcome the patriarchy. Without any little tricks like us.

JULIAN BASHIR

Do you want to say that it was a trick? You did it, deliberately?

THE NURSE

Regnar is a very inspiring lizard, doctor. That was very long time ago but you see what real power we have - we have science on our side. Why not use it? Your women had nothing like that. I admire them. Remember you are under non-disclosure act even to the men of this planet. Well, what they don’t already know.

JULIAN BASHIR

Yes. Of course... You know what I think? That we both are biased. But we both want to see prejudice in each other but not in ourselves.

THE NURSE

No I'm not pre...

JULIAN BASHIR

'The abnormality', that's what you said. We humans have a saying. 'Don't throw stones in a house of glass'. How many Cardassian boys were bullied out of the science? At least my species tries now. I'm not a stranger to prejudices, nurse Vesim, I'm genetically engineered which is a criminal offence in Federation. But even in my case they tried. Try me, too. I may surprise you.

INT. GARAK’S APARTMENT

Julian is on the threshold.

JULIAN BASHIR

I know. Also I know why regnar. I’m such an idiot. I checked every person in your letters but I didn’t check the ceffing lizard.

ELIM GARAK

I’m not asking to understand me.

JULIAN BASHIR

No, it’s alright. I understand. I understand how it could be big a deal for you. It didn’t change anything for me though. That’s what I came to say. I still have the same feelings. I understand that it would be more difficult but I still don’t understand why I should not do it.

ELIM GARAK

That’s what I thought earlier. That's why I believed you know. You’re asking me what reasons even knowing them.

JULIAN BASHIR

Yes, now I know the reasons but I still don’t know them.

ELIM GARAK

So you’re asking me to be that fool again?

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh... I understand. It’s commonly known that only fools love. Only a fool can trust so much. I understand you don’t want to be a fool and you don’t want me be a fool. But I think that there are more pros than cons. I am also burnt. I have my own secret that prevents me from being a fool again. Let me tell you mine in exchange. And we decide together is it wise for us to be fools together.

INT. CAVES OF MAK’ALA ON TRILL WORLD  
Flashback. Julian and Garak are standing in the milk pool face to face.

JULIAN BASHIR

At least show me Jadzia. I don’t understand why Garak?

ELIM GARAK (OR?)

How can I control your perception of me? You have to ask this question to yourself, Julian: Why Garak?

ELIM GARAK

(V.O. from the previous scene)

Why indeed, my dearest? Wait a minute. So it means YOU were hallucinating ME?

JULIAN BASHIR

(V.O. from the previous scene)

Well... I guess you can call it like that. Yeah, right. Em... Maybe that’s why I wasn’t exactly angry at you hallucinating me, in general? I don’t know. Can I resume the story?

ELIM GARAK

(V.O. from the previous scene)

Yes, of course, my dear, do go on.

ELIM GARAK

(Or not actual Garak - from this scene)

So why you see me, Dax, as your friend Garak? Am I so devious?

JULIAN BASHIR

Well, yes, you are. But I don’t think it’s the reason though.

ELIM GARAK

(V.O. from the previous scene)

Oh no, don’t deny me this, my dear, why would you deny me this?

JULIAN BASHIR

(V.O. from the previous scene)

I know you’re fond of the idea I paint you as a devil but there is another explanation, here and in the episode with Lethean, too. Remember my image of you in the Dominion unreality chamber? That's what I think of you! And that’s why Altovar decided to pose as you. You were the last I would suspect! The same here. I still had feelings for the worm so I placed the face on him that I loved. Because he has no face. And because yes, I loved the ceffing worm and he used me and broke my heart. Can I at last tell HOW?

ELIM GARAK

(V.O. from the previous scene)

No need to be so aggravated, my dear. And it’s you who started from the end. Alright, I’ll be silent.

JULIAN BASHIR

(V.O. from the previous scene)

(Under his breath)

Everyone’s a critic...

DAX (WITH GARAK’S FACE)

If you just let your logic overcome your grief, you’ll see who I really am.

JULIAN BASHIR

I have to see you as a worm?

DAX (WITH GARAK’S FACE)

(Irritated)

And overcome your sass as I see... No. You know who I am.

Dax still in Garak form hugs Julian.

DAX (WITH GARAK FACE)

Thank you.

JULIAN BASHIR

For what? Catching you? Not letting you kill Ezri?

DAX (WITH GARAK’S FACE)

Exactly that. And, of course, for not killing us.

JULIAN BASHIR

I didn’t want to kill Jadzia.

DAX (WITH GARAK’S FACE)

(Breaking the hug)

Oh, but... She wasn’t that strong. I’m sorry, I tried to save her but...

JULIAN BASHIR

She’s dead?

DAX (WITH GARAK’S FACE)

Well, I still have her memories but yeah, that’s why you can’t see Jadzia - and you know it. You always knew that they all are fading. That’s why you were inventing the means to separate us. You knew it’s just the matter of time before Dax will eat us all up.

JULIAN BASHIR

So you’re just Dax? Who is thanking me for catching him... You are not only Dax.

DAX (WITH GARAK’S FACE)

Yes. Who am I? You know this already. I was the strongest.

JULIAN BASHIR

Curzon?

DAX (NOW WITH CURZON’S FACE)

I was the one who was strong enough to stay. Everyone else... Gone.

JULIAN BASHIR

So it was you who...

DAX (WITH CURZON’S FACE)

The dream Ezri had of you was his, he was afraid of you, we all knew you are the only one who can catch him. But I made Ezri believe the dream means she loves you. Two can play that game. Ezri wasn’t strong enough even to hold her head up but he was linked with her more than with anyone of us. He couldn't kill her as he killed us, her body - her rules. So when I convinced her she loves you he couldn't deny it. He doesn't know what love is and how to distinguish it. He has no personality of his own. He had no time to grow one. Especially not humanoid one. But now it is his time and not mine. Now he is what he had to be and maybe he will have the time now.

JULIAN BASHIR

What will happen with you both now?

DAX (WITH CURZON’S FACE)

It’s time for breeding. He is a male and here is some female who will have us. I do hope she’s cute.

JULIAN BASHIR

The pools are for breeding?

DAX (WITH CURZON’S FACE)

Mostly. Don’t beat yourself. You couldn’t do more. But we all lost them. And her... I loved her, too, you know. Jadzia. Me, an old fool. Kinda reminds me of someone. Not to you? Another old fool in love.

JULIAN BASHIR

Who?

DAX (AGAIN WITH GARAK’S FACE)

Who do you see?

ELIM GARAK

(V.O. from previous scene)

And how long ago it was?

JULIAN BASHIR

(V.O. from previous scene)

Almost nine years ago...

ELIM GARAK

(V.O. from previous scene)

You don’t say... I’m even older now.

 

INT. GARAK’S APARTMENT

CONTINUATION

JULIAN BASHIR

Curzon had his reasons and all but to play with our feelings was a low move. I separated them and Ezri but it became a secret. Even if I am the only one who can repeat the procedure - and now it’s not so, it would be dangerous to let all Trills know that it can be done. So Ezri is bluffing her way out of it being a captain and I keep silence.

ELIM GARAK

You trusted me with another race’s secret?

JULIAN BASHIR

I told you, I trust you. Whatever you think of it. Naive, dangerous... I know you want me not to trust anyone for my safety. But that’s why I trust you. You want me to be safe. You would never hurt me.

ELIM GARAK

Will I? What if I know for a fact that I am the worst danger you ever encountered?

JULIAN BASHIR

I’ll say you think too much of yourself.

ELIM GARAK

Everyone I loved is dead.

JULIAN BASHIR

Eight hundred million is dead. It’s not your fault.

ELIM GARAK

I’m not talking about that but again even here some people disagree with you. I’ve lost the election because they resent me for my role in Damar resistance group. They say it was our fault. Dominion wouldn’t attack if we wouldn’t take a stand against them.

JULIAN BASHIR

It’s not...

ELIM GARAK

Is it?

JULIAN BASHIR

It’s not your fault.

ELIM GARAK

Even if it isn’t, everyone who I loved is dead because of me, let me assure you.

JULIAN BASHIR

Again, it’s not your fault. You didn’t kill them.

ELIM GARAK

What do you know?

JULIAN BASHIR

I know YOU! You lay other’s blame on yourself, yes, that’s you. You’re suffering when you see that you can’t save everyone, that doing greater good you always are forced to hurt someone. You are a man with bigger conscience than yourself. Don’t tell me you are able to hurt consciously someone you love.

ELIM GARAK

But it doesn’t matter! The pattern is here. You will end up hurt. It should have no difference to you.

JULIAN BASHIR

Let me think for myself. You were thinking for me for seventeen years, enough. You won’t scare me off.

Julian takes Garak’s hands in his own.

JULIAN BASHIR

I want to be a fool with you. I know that there’s a chance it will be a catastrophe, believe me, I’m very scared. I had bad experiences, too. Not only you think that there’s a pattern, that’s something wrong with them. I'm also afraid. But I'm willing to risk.

ELIM GARAK

What if I want to use you, too? What if I need you only as a doctor genius who can invent means to make me evert without female release?

JULIAN BASHIR

(Smiling)

And believe me, doctor genius is already on the case. But...

(Seriously)

As I said. I’m not gonna give in to the fear. And also... Remember Sarina? I think I deserved just that, to be used. After I used her... Twice. I was... Couple of years back... I’m so ashamed. I wanted to be in control. I swear we met by chance, but I saw the opportunity. Who will never hurt you? Who will never leave you? Well of course someone who owes you their life. I ended it like I did first time but not before I hurt her again.

ELIM GARAK

(Smiling)

Then I promise you I will use you for your medical expertise and won’t feel remorse. That would lessen your feel of guilt?

JULIAN BASHIR

(Smiling)

I’m sure it’ll help, thank you. So this means you won’t kick me off? I can stay?

Julian goes near to Garak.

ELIM GARAK

I haven’t heard the story in full yet.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh, my story entertained you, ha?

Julian lays his hands on Garak’s shoulders. Garak puts his on Julian’s waist.

ELIM GARAK

It intrigued me. Can I have the rest?

JULIAN BASHIR

You must promise not to steal it, though. Being it a whole race secret and all.

ELIM GARAK

I’ll change the name of the race.

Julian jokingly slaps Garak to his head.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oi!

ELIM GARAK

So?

JULIAN BASHIR

I don’t know how to tell it. Ask me anything.

Julian and Garak moves onto the couch.

ELIM GARAK

How did you catch him?

JULIAN BASHIR

He was wrong, I wasn't suspecting him for quite some time. And I should! First there was that incident with Jadzia... I took offence when Ezri... Behaved in bed as Jadzia. Not that I know how Jadzia was behaving in bed, just... You know. I didn’t understand it right away. I foolishly considered it a personal attack on me. God, I’m an egoist... Not everything is about you, Jules... I didn’t know then also that it was maybe the last of Jadzia’s conscious moves. She was dying in there... That was the reason of them showing up like that at random. And they did, I just didn't know much about others so... Ezri said it’s alright so I paid no attention. How she could know? She had no proper training. So I can’t really say I ‘caught’ him. I was searching the way of separating only because I already stumbled upon that problem. Remember Verad and Mareel? We almost lost Jadzia that time. So I swore to find a way to make separation without lethality possible, just in case. By the way Verad was one of the factors in Dax seizing the power. You see, and it’s another Symbiosis Commission secret, joined Trills have nine lives. Like cats. Humans has saying about cats having nine lives. Cats are these pets... They are fierce and cute at the same time. They were always mystical to us, maybe because they domesticated themselves, we just watched. They are fierce predators, very resilient, they're landing always on all four. So because of that we thought that they got nine lives. With Trill symbionts it's the same - nine lives and then symbiont is too old to be in a host. The rule is after ninth life the symbiont goes into the pools in Mak'ala caves. So Symbiosis Commission didn’t count Verad. Dax should get into the pool after Ezri's cycle, they decided. But nine lives are not precise measurement. It’s really all about the symbiont condition. And Dax had too many stresses. Death of Torias, Joran who almost wasn’t counted, too. Death of Jadzia... The lack of preparation Ezri had. All of it had a heavy toll on Dax. Not the number of lives matter for him but how many times he was traumatized by losing the host. So he was awakening earlier than anticipated. But he didn’t know what to do. He knew that he is awake. But what to do about it? He is trapped. He needs to escape. So he started seizing the power from within. He lashed out. He killed them all. I didn't know that.

TRANSITION

INT. DS9 USS ‘RIO GRANDE’

Ezri Dax is sitting in the pilot chair and control the console. Julian Bashir is sitting beside her but doesn't touch console.

EZRI DAX

(Without the lisp - it’s only Dax talking)

She was strong, not like this feeble creature, Jadzia wouldn't let me be. But I could see and hear and think. And sometimes I could remember. When we were in the Celestial Temple that first time, I remembered. They told me they remember me. Not me but ones like me. They knew us. They once worked for us. So they will do it once again. They stabilized this wormhole because once worms were masters of wormholes. How appropriate. Now you call them gateways and it’s a useless rubbish.

ELIM GARAK

(V.O. from previous scene)

And Captain Sisko thought he was the Emissary.

JULIAN BASHIR

(V.O. from previous scene)

He was. It’s just that stabilizing happened not because of him but because Dax was there. I told you Jadzia did it. Well, Dax did it.

ELIM GARAK

(V.O. from previous scene)

So you fell in love with Dax. Not Jadzia.

JULIAN BASHIR

(V.O. from previous scene)

I don’t even know anymore. So keep listening.

JULIAN BASHIR

Iconians were joined with symbionts. That figures. And now Trills are the leading experts on wormhole technology. History repeats itself.

EZRI DAX

(Without the lisp)

They weren’t ‘joined’. Trills trap us in their minds. We were always free before. Using other’s bodies. Not ‘joining’ with their pitiful minds. I lured Mareel to get me out of here. But they were amateurs. Got themselves into the trap. I could be in her body now and there wouldn’t be this conversation.

JULIAN BASHIR

In HER body? Oh, I see. She was Trill that contracted Augment virus. Shit, I should know. So why not just make me place you in her, why Verad?

EZRI DAX

(Without the lisp)

I told you - amateurs! They thought that would be easier - to get me in him and later when they would be in safety - in her. I don’t know what they were thinking! Clearly not how to get me in safety in the first place. I was traumatized - for nothing.

ELIM GARAK

(V.O. from previous scene)

I thought you said the incident with Verad was what woke Dax up?

JULIAN BASHIR

I didn’t. I said that incident was one of the factors. But he completely seized the power only when he got in Ezri. He still was dormant before and only occasionally peeked out. And I even don't know if Dax was telling the truth. How he 'lured' Mareel? You know that augmented Trills are being breed only to be ‘joined’ with the symbiont? That Trill colony she was from, it was almost completely wiped out by Augment virus, only joined Trills survived. Well, no, not that. Only Trill symbionts survived inside bodies of some Trills. No joining, overpowering. Augmented Trills can’t dominate the symbiont. The irony. The virus augmented symbionts and weakened Trills. So Dax was wanting to be dominant like that. Maybe then it was also Joran. After two violent deaths in a row - Torias and Joran, and with Joran’s killer instincts, Dax already was awaken sometimes. But Curzon was strong. He was chosen because of that. He was older and he knew what was at stake. Jadzia was weaker. Still strong but she was young and inexperienced. And they made her forget about Joran. So since she didn’t know, it was easier for him to lull her. Interesting that later he killed Joran, too. First time he peeked out because of the coma Torias was in. Torias died and Dax was all alone in there. It scared him, not to be able to move, not to know what's out there. It could be that the whole Joran incident was because of that - Dax lashing out. Joran had his temper, sure, but he wasn’t a criminal before joining.

ELIM GARAK

(V.O. from previous scene)

So essentially there is no ‘joining’, is it? It’s either symbiont seizes the power of the host. The chain of hosts but really no symbiont conscious.

JULIAN BASHIR

(V.O. from the previous scene)

When would they have the time to grow one? They are joined very young, straight from the pool. The first host never changes upon joining as later ones do. With what? Symbiont has nothing to add to the first host. Only his dreams of the pool.

ELIM GARAK

(V.O. from previous scene)

You didn’t want him to be caught. You loved the symbiont. Pitied him at least.

JULIAN BASHIR

(V.O. from previous scene)

He is a feisty creature. But no, when I realized that Dax was never in the picture except occasional trying to escape... I don’t know. I loved the idea of joined Trill. And I can relate. Me too is a ‘joined’ creature. But my Jules also is dominated. I think I was scared of that analogy, too. But keep listening.

JULIAN BASHIR

So what do you want from me?

EZRI DAX

(Without the lisp)

Freedom. Isn’t it the first thing that everyone wants?

JULIAN BASHIR

What can I do?

EZRI DAX

(Without the lisp)

Go away with me. We will escape through the wormhole - not in the next quadrant, anywhere, any time. I can ask wormhole aliens to bring us there. There is no limits of space and time for them. You were dreaming of adventures - I will give you all adventures you want. What would you lose?

JULIAN BASHIR

It’s very tempting.

EZRI DAX

(With the lisp)

I can be what you always wanted. The partner who is really equal to you. In things that are beyond your imagination.

JULIAN BASHIR

It’s very very tempting. But why you need me?

EZRI DAX

I don’t need you.

JULIAN BASHIR

You love me then? You, not Ezri. Not only Ezri.

EZRI DAX

YOU don’t love Ezri. Not only Ezri. You love Dax. The whole of me. Jadzia, Curzon, Torias... Do you remember when Torias was in you? Remember how it felt? Do you want to feel it more? Do you want to be not just with me but me? Live thousands lives, be in thousands places, see thousands sunsets?

JULIAN BASHIR

The question is not what I want but what you want, Dax. Why you want me? Is it love? I need to know before...

EZRI DAX

(Taking Julian’s hand)

Do you trust me? We have no time.

We see how the wormhole opens in the head screen.

JULIAN BASHIR

I want you to be happy. Everyone to be happy. Dax, Ezri... Jadzia, Curzon, Torias... Will they be happy?

EZRI DAX

It’s an adventure, what's not to be happy about?

ELIM GARAK

(V.O. from previous scene)

Oh doctor...

JULIAN BASHIR

(V.O. from previous scene)

Do keep listening, Garak.

ELIM GARAK

I’m sorry.

Julian pricks Ezri’s hand that was holding his, with small hypospray.

JULIAN BASHIR

If only I didn’t know you’re lying... How could I refuse? You promised me the world...

Ezri falls unconscious. Julian is turning ‘Rio Grande’ back. The wormhole closes.

JULIAN BASHIR

(V.O. from previous scene)

By that time, of course, I already consulted Symbiosis Commission.

ELIM GARAK

(V.O. from previous scene)

But he wasn’t lying. You could go anywhere and any time and you could be with equal partner. What stopped you?

 

INT. GARAK’S APARTMENT

CONTINUATION

JULIAN BASHIR

And what was the cost?

ELIM GARAK

And what was the cost?

JULIAN BASHIR

I told you.

ELIM GARAK

I don’t see it.

JULIAN BASHIR

And that’s, my friend, why I understand that for you it’s so difficult to forget about your reasons not to be with me. I also know what it is to not be able to express the reasons coherently. But it doesn’t mean I will go away if you just ask. But only because you were already giving us a chance. I would never give Dax a chance.

ELIM GARAK

Do you regret though?

JULIAN BASHIR

Of not being a fool with him? I tried not to. I tried to forget about thousands lives, thousands places and thousands sunsets.

ELIM GARAK

I can promise you only a thousandth part of that.

JULIAN BASHIR

You are enough. I regret the opportunity but I don’t regret not being with him. He wasn’t enough. You are.

(Jokingly)

Of course, if you’re not the same and it’s not a big scheme like Curzon’s. Are you sure it isn’t one of your hallucinations implanted you these feelings for me to make me stop you? As Curzon implanted Dax feelings for me to make me stop him. It sure as hell seems like the same situation here. You definitely need to be stopped.

ELIM GARAK

I definitely do. How Curzon knew that you won’t yield to temptation?

JULIAN BASHIR

He knew my reasons. The ones you don’t understand.

ELIM GARAK

Then maybe he was enough and I am not. He knows you better than I am.

JULIAN BASHIR

(Chuckling)

To know you is to love you? Very untrue. To GETTING to know you is to love you. You know why you are enough? Because you ARE the thousands lives, thousands places, thousands sunsets. Still open for exploration. You are that wormhole to me with any adventure I want.

ELIM GARAK

No pressure then. I am, as always, forced to entertain you with my feeble attempts at story-telling.

JULIAN BASHIR

(Planting small kisses at Garak's face)

Oh, do you? Poor Garak. He’s forced to do what he loves the most. I think I am enough for you because you can fool me every time.

ELIM GARAK

Preposterous! We are both fools here.

JULIAN BASHIR

Of course, because I fool you into something you want. We both are definitely fools. So you want us to be fools together? I'm definitely ready. I was too sane lately.

ELIM GARAK

I wasn't very sane lately... And still don't want to be.

They’re fooling around on the couch. Garak tries to turn Julian on but soon notices something.

ELIM GARAK

Is something wrong? You’re not so quick anymore?

JULIAN BASHIR

I’ve taken something... To match your condition. I have to know what you feel.

ELIM GARAK

You could just ask me. I feel frustration. But next time you shouldn’t do it. Now you’re denying us both. I liked seeing your orgasm however briefly it was. I like knowing I am the cause.

JULIAN BASHIR

But you feel? You just can’t evert and can’t ejaculate because of that. But everything else - do you feel it?

ELIM GARAK

Do you feel it now?

JULIAN BASHIR

Yes.

ELIM GARAK

Do you feel this?

Garak sucks on Julian’s neck.

JULIAN BASHIR

Yes. Do you have some especially sensitive spots? We call it erogenous zones. Every man has his own.

ELIM GARAK

(Sucking on a nipple)

Mmm, I will need a list of yours.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh no, I won’t deny you of exploring me.

ELIM GARAK

Then I shouldn’t deny you also.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh you cheeky. But there are some? How about this.

Julian bites on a neck ridge.

ELIM GARAK

That would be a start.

INT. NAVEN AGLORRA'S OFFICE.

It's Garak's therapy hour. Garak is sitting in silence.

NAVEN AGLORRA

You're awfully silent today. You found in me someone who is actually listens to your tales and appreciate their metaphorical sense and you just stop telling them? You know I'm craving the daily dose of your riddles. Something happened? I heard Julian stays. You're worried.

ELIM GARAK

Why would I be worried?

NAVEN AGLORRA

You actually never thought he would come and stay. You're not ready.

ELIM GARAK

Will I ever be? Does anyone ever ready for the dream coming true? I don't think so. So why worry?

NAVEN AGLORRA

So you're not worried about that. Then what?

ELIM GARAK

No, that's the situation I'm thinking about. It's just I'm not worried, I'm planning. I know what I have to do and I know it'll work. But I'm thinking how to do it.

NAVEN AGLORRA

So you're panning something. In my office?

ELIM GARAK

Well, my dear, if you would just shut up it would be ideal place. I haven’t been alone the whole day, so it's my first chance to think about it. But you're also bothering me, tiresome creature. It's my luck that I can just shut you up without consequences.

NAVEN AGLORRA

(After the pause)

It's a scientific fact that when we contemplate something we better do it aloud. And bouncing ideas off someone.

ELIM GARAK

You won't just let me be, do you? I'm thinking how to better tell Julian truth about me. Gradually.

NAVEN AGLORRA

What thing he don't know he needs to know suddenly?

ELIM GARAK

Thing that happens to people who comes too near to me.

NAVEN AGLORRA

I found that the conversation about your exes is the least needful conversation in a relationship.

ELIM GARAK

Why?

NAVEN AGLORRA

Because it’s you who have to know your previous mistakes, not your partner. Your partner can't do anything about it. Moreover, he doesn't have to. You by yourself have to draw conclusions and correct your behavior. Dumping your baggage on your partner is just unfair and useless.

ELIM GARAK

That's the thing! I drew my conclusions and decided to correct my behavior. By telling my partner the truth. For once.

NAVEN AGLORRA

From this angle... Yes, of course. So what do you want to do? What's the lightest bag in your baggage? If you want to do it gradually.

ELIM GARAK

There's a Schrodinger's cat in that one...

 

EXT. CARDASSIAN SUBURB - NIGHT

Julian and Garak are walking the street hand in hand.

JULIAN BASHIR

It’s starting to be cooler at least at nights. I feel myself human again.

ELIM GARAK

I thought you can control your functions.

JULIAN BASHIR

I can’t control my whole physiology. I think I start flirting with the idea to change it to more suitable in this climate. Like your ancestors did.

ELIM GARAK

And how would you do that?

JULIAN BASHIR

I’ll find a way. I’m a doctor genius, you forgot?

ELIM GARAK

If you were a Cardassian man everything would be even more difficult. By the way, about that... I must let you go. I’m not turning you away, but you must know that I’m not demanding anything. You are free to have sex with anyone, and fall in love... But that’s a given. No one should force anyone to be with someone they don’t love and keep someone from someone they do.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh? You don’t follow your own principles then. You were keeping me from being with you for seventeen years.

ELIM GARAK

I apologize for that.

JULIAN BASHIR

We’re both at fault. Still, we had friendship. That’s something.

ELIM GARAK

Especially if all I can offer you now is the same friendship only with very dubious benefits.

JULIAN BASHIR

It’s called being intimate, Elim. It’s very good benefit. Besides I’m not the one who is unsatisfied over this arrangement. You’re passing the buck. Always so passive aggressive, Elim. It’s me who has to say to you that I promise to never obstruct you from having more satisfying relationship. So that’s it. I’m not saying I wouldn’t feel jealousy, though. Maybe the idea to become a Cardassian is not such a bad idea. How long, you say, your species love-making lasts?

ELIM GARAK

Couple of hours. If regularly. Over six hours if hasn't have it for a while.

JULIAN BASHIR

I definitely want to be a Cardassian. Wow. And who said I want to be a Cardassian man?

ELIM GARAK

If you would be a Cardassian woman, if would make everything so easy!

JULIAN BASHIR

So you’re not exclusively sentimental then?

ELIM GARAK

Oh no, I am. But I would turn for you. You’ve turned for me, after all, so it would be not polite to not do the same.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh, someday I will tell you my record of crushing on charming gentlemen inappropriately older than me... But you’re the first whom I actually with...

ELIM GARAK

You didn’t finish the last story.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh? What I didn’t tell?

ELIM GARAK

How Ezri is ‘bluffing’ everyone now?

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh. Well, she said she remember things that she recalled when she was joined. Like... Memory of a memory. So it’s a help. And Curzon promised her to provide any information he still has. I think now he’s writing his memoire for her.

ELIM GARAK

Did Dax breed?

JULIAN BASHIR

Yes, actually with several female symbionts now.

ELIM GARAK

I wonder if he’s dreaming of freedom still.

JULIAN BASHIR

(Shrugging)

He still didn’t hijack any keeper and didn’t escape the caves. I figured out if he would want to, it would be pretty easy.

ELIM GARAK

I wonder if he still thinks he loves you.

JULIAN BASHIR

After Curzon told him he tricked him? I doubt.

ELIM GARAK

Feelings can be stubborn, my love. We’re here.

Julian and Garak stop by a house that was clearly rebuilt. We see the garden around it and the memorial in it.

JULIAN BASHIR

So you didn’t lie about the memorial.

ELIM GARAK

I might have exaggerated some things.

JULIAN BASHIR

Or quite the opposite. I imagined it less... Just less. Who was watching it while you were on Earth? I gather you lied about Parmak as he's dead. But garden seems tidy.

ELIM GARAK

(Under his breath)

Sometimes I don't lie, as we established. Maybe that's the case?

Julian doesn’t notice the last comment as he’s looking at the woman who is coming out of the house.

THE WOMAN

So, that’s the famous doctor Bashir.

JULIAN BASHIR

(To Garak)

Well, would you introduce the lady?

ELIM GARAK

Julian, let me introduce you to Kel Lokar.

Julian is completely at a lost. He wants to ask but stops himself.

JULIAN BASHIR

Charmed, I’m sure.

They all share Cardassian greeting. It's dark so only now in close up under the gate's lamp we notice that the woman is much older than Palandine's daughter should be whose name she is bearing. And she could be a mother to young Kelas Parmak we saw as Garak's hallucination - she clearly bears his features.

KEL LOKAR

I watered the plants today, so don’t worry. I didn’t water your favorite orchids, though, to busy you.

ELIM GARAK

Thank you, my dear, you sure do know me. Would you stay?

KEL LOKAR

I rather not, Elim. You know why.

ELIM GARAK

What if I want to introduce you in full?

KEL LOKAR

Really?

ELIM GARAK

You are not favorable to this idea?

KEL LOKAR

I don't really care. But why?

ELIM GARAK

I want to try...

KEL LOKAR

You want to try telling the truth? That's new.

(To Julian)

What did you do to him? You must be really his e'vira, he never told a truthful word even to Akellen.

JULIAN BASHIR

Akellen?

ELIM GARAK

No, not about Akellen, not now.

KEL LOKAR

But about me?

ELIM GARAK

He already knows about you. And you are the most convenient.

KEL LOKAR

I can't see how.

ELIM GARAK

You're alive. You can tell yourself.

KEL LOKAR

Oh. So you physically can't tell the truth now?

ELIM GARAK

It's an occupational hazard.

(Rolling eyes up)

Just tell!

KEL LOKAR

(To Julian)

I'm Kelas Parmak!

(To Garak)

Satisfied?

Kel, or rather Kelas is leaving, fuming. Julian shocked but soon narrows his eyes in a realization.

ELIM GARAK

Please, Kel!

KEL PARMAK

I'm an old woman, I need my sleep, and I still have to walk home.

JULIAN BASHIR

It's some kind of a hoax?

ELIM GARAK

(To Kelas' back)

See what you're leaving me with?

KEL PARMAK

(Not stopping and not turning her face)

You've sown this plant, you reap its fruit, Elim.

ELIM GARAK

So much drama! I always was saying you're too emotional for a woman!

(To himself, after Kelas left)

I have to water the orchids.

Garak goes in depth of the garden. Julian follows. We follow them.

INT. GARDEN – NIGHT  
CONTINUATION  
They stop by the orchid patch. Flowers are purple and have two bumpy tube petals with double ends. Garak fusses over them. Julian stands in silent for a while with arms crossed.

JULIAN BASHIR

How much have you paid her?

ELIM GARAK

(Irritated)

Oh shut up!

JULIAN BASHIR

What I can't understand is why. But you always lie so randomly...

ELIM GARAK

I never lie randomly! And sometimes I don't lie. It's easier to lie about minor details than invent a new story. Most of my stories are real. They just belong to other people.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh you, plagiarist!

ELIM GARAK

I don't steal book plots, I take other people life stories, it's not the same.

JULIAN BASHIR

I know, I was kidding, sorry. So all this time Palandine story wasn't your story - it was his? Hers... Palandine is Kelas' mother? Who was Ten Lubak?

ELIM GARAK

His name is irrelevant.

JULIAN BASHIR

Okay. Let's say I believe. So when I was searching for the people from your letters I didn't find any Palandine or Barkan Lokar. You never gave Palandine's family name so that's that. The Lokars were indeed, as you said, influential family. Once. Until Draban. Something happened then. Some big scandal so archives were cleansed of him and his family. His wife and son were nameless. I just assumed the son was Barkan. So it wasn't. It was Kelas. Who's actually a woman... That was the scandal? The transsexual son?

KEL PARMAK

(Who happened to be there all this time - in the shadows)

Oh no, I was the least of their problems. You know, with an affair and all. And I was respectable on public, I was in the Order. Who would wonder what my job there was exactly. Nobody cared.

JULIAN BASHIR

Your job was to be a woman?

ELIM GARAK

(Chuckles)

Quite opposite, as I recall.

KEL PARMAK

Oh shut up! You wanted me to tell so don't meddle. I will tell the story as I see fit now. I was a trusted physician. It's pretty obvious you can't trust your health to just anyone in that organization. Everyone's trying to kill each other. It's local sport. Now I understand why other races have sports. It's relatively harmless and the function is the same.

JULIAN BASHIR

You have to talk to Naven, she's a sport enthusiast.

KEL PARMAK

Oh, by the way, it was your therapist's idea to tell some truth, was it, Elim? I know you wouldn't think of it by yourself.

ELIM GARAK

Thank you for returning.

KEL PARMAK

I'm still your friend. I wanted you to see what you're putting other people through but I didn't want it to make any lasting damage. I'm not you.

(To Julian)

Never let yourself stoop to his level. Let's come into the house, I'm cold.

INT. INSIDE THE HOUSE.

CONTINUATION

Julian, Garak and Kel come inside the house. It's tidy but poorly furnished.

KEL PARMAK

(To Julian)

I don't know what he actually wrote to you. He just said he used my family story as one of the plots. So ask.

JULIAN BASHIR

I can give you his letter if you want. I would like to know what he told me about Kelas Parmak was true like watching over his garden and what wasn't.

(To both Kel and Garak)

Soo...  Were you... Are you? Two...

KEL PARMAK

What?

ELIM GARAK

He wants to know were we lovers? Or still.

KEL PARMAK

Does he know that you're sentimental or what?

ELIM GARAK

I just told him that I would turn for him if he was a Cardassian woman.

Kel laughs.

KEL PARMAK

Seriously? You didn't tell this lie for quite a while, do you?

ELIM GARAK

I'm not sure it's a lie anymore.

Kel looks at Garak with doubt and turns to Julian.

KELAS PARMAK

Let's say we didn't turn for each other.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh. You?.. Okay. You both telling it like there is no bisexuality at all.

ELIM GARAK

That's one of the reasons I though you shouldn't be with me I'm so poorly explaining to you. I knew you like women and our world has no concept of bisexuality as your world apparently has. There is no bisexuality in our culture. At least not that we know of. Every homosexual, man or woman, is very often forced to have heterosexual sex and sometimes it’s the only sex they can have. So technically they may be bisexual. But voluntarily? At least we don't know any case when someone was really enjoying both. Though homosexual community is very narrow, most are afraid to talk about even amongst ourselves. So maybe in some cases “to be forced” is very loose term, we just don't know. Sometimes homosexual can even grow to love their partner of opposite sex, at least it's what they tell. But then we call it 'they turned'.

JULIAN BASHIR

Your culture needs Sex Ed ASAP. But sex in general is a taboo topic, right?

ELIM GARAK

We are talking about it, aren’t we?

JULIA BASHIR

I had to assign myself to this planet indefinitely to get the access to some medical issues. Your physiology is more protected than your defense secrets. By the way. Now I think it was all an elaborated manipulation to get me sign that contract, Elim. Do you have something to say?

ELIM GARAK

You're flattering me.

JULIA BASHIR

Of course... Were hallucinations then just a hoax? I mean this one particularly? I saw you hallucinating and your little device definitely was functioning like that so I know your problem was real but... But I don't understand why you were hallucinating someone alive.

ELIM GARAK

Like you, you mean?

JULIAN BASHIR

Good point. Someone who you could see any time you wanted, then.

ELIM GARAK

I could see you any time I wanted. You were subcomm away, Julian, but I managed to hallucinate you when we were talking through it. And then when I was standing right before you! You're asking why I was hallucinating young male Kelas Parmak when I could just talk to old female Kel Lokar? Beats me.

Garak shrugs.

KEL PARMAK

I warned him about the implants. Instead of listening to me he imagined me encouraging it.

JULIAN GARAK

How familiar! So that's why you're angry at him? I remember I was.

KEL PARMAK

You can relate. You had other questions?

JULIAN BASHIR

Er... I have... a medical one?

KEL PARMAK

I have transitioned, yes. I am a functional woman. Still barren as a woman though. But I'm too old for that now anyway. But we're trying something with my partner. She's still in fertile age. I wasn't sterilized, you know.

ELIM GARAK

You have my full support!

KEL PARMAK

Well, don't tell it to Vesa, she'll have a panic attack.

ELIM GARAK

She's still afraid of me so much?

KEL PARMAK

Whose fault it is?

(To Julian)

So... Other questions?

JULIAN BASHIR

Was that... It wasn't because of the Order or something, it was your choice? To transition? It wasn't just to escape from them, hide from them? You're not uncomfortable now in any way?

KEL PARMAK

I left the Order over that because they wouldn’t hear about me transitioning. So no, it was my choice. It wasn't my choice to be born this way, though, so I had to make a choice what to do about it.

JULIAN BASHIR

So you were Tain's confidant. And then what happened? Why he made Elim interrogate you?

KEL PARMAK

I betrayed his trust. Elim betrayed his trust. What do you expect he would do? We actually gotten off light, Enabran was in good humor then. And I wanted out anyway. So I took the whole blame and then Elim helped me disappear.

JULIAN BASHIR

(To Garak)

At least I was right about something. But you made a double bluff instead of just bluff. If I could find out that information about Kelas' death it means Tain will find out and you knew it. So you planted it. Also the false Parmak was on Cardassia Prime, to make Tain easy to identify him as fraud. So you made him think that you're covering Kelas’ death when in reality you were covering... Her.

(To Kel)

You transitioned then, right?

KEL PARMAK

I started then, yes.

JULIAN BASHIR

(To Garak)

It's still good story! Why wouldn't you just tell it?

ELIM GARAK

Why I should?

JULIAN BASHIR

Why you should lie, then?

KEL PARMAK

He thinks that everything he's done is boring. It's boring for him because he's done it and relived in his mind about a thousand times, so it seems to him disgustingly trivial. And he's so afraid to bore anyone, especially ones he's interested in. So it's strange to see him telling truth to someone he's devoted so much. So yes, tell him that it's an interesting story, that exactly what he needs. He never believes though, I'm afraid. I told him thousand times that what he did for me was worth a book, but alas. Oh yeah, trust him to write a memoire and he'll tell all about his friend's parents and whatever he also inserted in there, and nothing about things he's done himself. When he was in the Order it at least made sense but now... So you can get me that letter?

JULIAN BASHIR

Yes, of course.

ELIM GARAK

Julian's own story about you, my dear, was way better, though... We were star-crossed lovers in it. So romantic.

KEL PARMAK

Well, Julian, you have nothing to fear from me. This clot was indeed in love with me when I was younger and... more manly. And we indeed had very long and close friendship. But that's it. And lately I'm mostly just angry at him anyway.

JULIAN BASHIR

Thank you for doing it then despite being angry. Of course if you're genuine and not hired story-teller.

KEL PARMAK

(Chuckles)

Of course, if...  I really have to go, Vesa already panics, she knew you would show tonight.

ELIM GARAK

Seriously, I'm offended, what she thinks I'll do to you? Chat you to death?

KEL PARMAK

That was kind of your profession, wasn't it? Chat people to death. Or even STARE them to death...

ELIM GARAK

Tell her I know she pretends to fear me just because she thinks I will take it as a challenge if find out she doesn't fear me. Tell her I don't.

KEL PARMAK

You bastard.

ELIM GARAK

Don't remind me.

Kel leaves.

ELIM GARAK

So... How would you feel if we stay here? For more than just one night? We both will have skimmers so it won't be that far from the city.

JULIAN BASHIR

We both will have skimmers?

ELIM GARAK

Of course, official skimmers. You as the head of Medical Research Centre, I believe? And me as the Minister of Internal Affairs.

JULIAN BASHIR

You’ve got the position!

ELIM GARAK

Thanks to you, my dear.

JULIAN BASHIR

Well... Okay. Is it really Tain’s house?

Julian is looking around.

ELIM GARAK

I’m not that desperate. It’s Mila’s and Tolan’s house. Tain loathed being here. ‘Too much dirt’, as I remember. I think Tolan was doing it deliberately, making place as much dirty as possible. It was used to be filled with flower pots.

JULIAN BASHIR

I’ve never lived in a house before. Especially with a garden not to mention the whole memorial. But okay. You would have to ride me to work before I learn how to pilot skimmer though.

ELIM GARAK

So first day?

JULIAN BASHIR

(Chuckles)

I’m not that fast learner. Oh, I forgot to ask. What concomitant disease you have? Last time I checked you were in surprisingly good shape. I would work on your alimentary system; you have couple of ulcerations. But it can’t be it?

ELIM GARAK

I haven’t been everted for about twenty years, my love. And even before that I was treated... not very nice in that area. You would have to pay more attention to my inner thighs next time, my dear doctor. I have chronic pains.

JULIAN BASHIR

For crying out loud, Elim, why didn’t you say something?! We were in the hospital for a months and you never told me you have chronic pain! Have you had it all this time? When we were on the station? Your implant was helping you with that, wasn’t it? I had to know you were lying again! Why I trusted you? How I didn’t find it out myself? I’m such an idiot. It’s my fault. I had no experience with Cardassian’s pain display so I just assumed it’s just like everyone else’s.

ELIM GARAK

I was trained not to show my pain, my dear, it’s not your fault.

JULIAN BASHIR

But why you don’t let me fix things for you? It’s what I do, it’s what I’m good at. All this time - in absolutely needless pain!

ELIM GARAK

I had the chip when it was too much.

JULIAN BASHIR

Not lately.

ELIM GARAK

Well, that’s why I’m telling you now.

JULIAN BASHIR

Thank you at least for that.

(Calming down)

So all this time you still were under your bliss wire? That remote control couldn’t be your only one. Were you high when we were lunching together, junky?

ELIM GARAK

I was addicted to pain. I was never in pain when I was with you.

JULIAN BASHIR

So you were not addicted to me?

ELIM GARAK

I didn’t say that.

Julian and Garak comes closer to each other, hands behind their own backs.

JULIAN BASHIR

Shall we christen the house? That’s the tradition when a couple have first sex in their new home.

ELIM GARAK

I’m all for it.

They kiss.

JULIAN BASHIR

Are you now in pain?

ELIM GARAK

I’ve said, I’m never in pain when I’m with you. Maybe that’s how I manage to fool your scanners.

JULIAN BASHIR

I’ll check your inner thighs anyway.

ELIM GARAK

By all means, my love, I won’t deny you exploring me.

Julian smiles. They kiss again.

INT. THE HOUSE'S BEDROOM  
Julian and Garak after sex, cuddling.

ELIM GARAK

You didn't tell me anything about Kel since she left.

JULIAN BASHIR

I was rather busy.

ELIM GARAK

It's something of an anticlimax, you know.

JULIAN BASHIR

Not for me.

ELIM GARAK

I'm serious. I was so afraid of you knowing and all you could tell "it's a good story"?

JULIAN BASHIR

Kel said it's what you need to hear, actually.

ELIM GARAK

Slet Kel! I will never tell you anything anymore!

JULIAN BASHIR

Elim! I'm seriously starting to think you've did it, was it truth or not, just to tell me I'm not receiving it right so you won't bother to tell me anything anymore. However I react I would react wrong, am I? First of all - I didn't ask you to tell me anything. Don't demand something I didn't promise as I never demanded of you telling. Secondly... Thank you for introducing me to your friend. I mean it. That is very welcome. But I don't know how to react on the story itself. Did I praise you not enough?

ELIM GARAK

Praise me? Praise me?!

JULIAN GARAK

Wait a minute. What were you expecting me to do?

ELIM GARAK

I could do better, that what you should tell me. I could do better.

JULIAN BASHIR

Elim, she's alive, she's... she. She has a family. All this because of you. How much better could you do?

ELIM GARAK

Oh. Right. She skipped some details.

JULIAN BASHIR

I don't think any detail could trump this.

ELIM GARAK

She was raped in the labor camp. There were Bajorans. And she was in the men's barracks. I could prevent this. I should have prevented this. I didn't. I didn't even communicate with her for nearly three years afraid of Tain's reaction. I visited first time only when the term was coming to end, to negotiate the release. I found her in a distraught state, ill and sick.

JULIAN BASHIR

But then you did what you did. I'm sure it trumps this.

ELIM GARAK

She could die for real in there and it would be too late for all my clever schemes.

JULIAN BASHIR

Did she forgive you? Yes, she did. But then you didn't forgive yourself so you anger her with trifle things on purpose, to punish yourself.

ELIM GARAK

I hate her for what she is doing to me. Every time I see her I hate myself. That's why I was hallucinating him, to forget about what she is. I didn't plan to anger her with it.

JULIAN BASHIR

I know what it is to beat yourself for things you think you had to do better. You're a ceffing genius, how could you not stop the ceffing war? Not eradicate the plague, not find the cure, not be there when you're needed... Sometimes you just have to take little blessings. And stop blaming yourself for things you didn't do. I didn't start the war, I didn't create the virus, I didn't kill eight hundred million people. You didn't put her in the labor camp, you didn't rape her. You did what you could and you couldn't do more. There is nothing to hate in you. I didn't praise you enough because I already know you're a hero so I'm not surprised by it. It's you who constantly doubt it. And yes, it's the proof you are, doubting that you are. But doubt and self-hatred are different things. One is positive and one is not. You can become better with self-doubt but you're stuck or even go downhill if you hate yourself. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything Naven didn't tell you already. Don't hate yourself. There is nothing to hate in there. Did one of your reasons to not be with me was it? You think I'm too naive to not hate you. I should, you think. You hate yourself so why someone should not? Why someone loves you? It must be their naivety. They just don't know who I am. I didn't try harder to push them away. Oh that's so familiar... They just don't know my secret, if they only knew... I saw that imaginary disgust on every face I met, disgust and fear they should feel if they only knew. It's not a good premise for a relationship...

ELIM GARAK

You didn't see it on my face. Because I said to you I'm a monster so you weren’t intimidated by me. That’s why you told me you're a monster, too. Monsters don't judge monsters. But you were wrong. You are not a monster, my love, only me. And I am intimidated by you.

JULIAN BASHIR

I told you about my enhancements not because you or me were a monster, silly lizard. I just trusted you, you had no motive to sell me out. You were not Starfleet so you had no obligations, and you had no motive to blackmail me.

ELIM GARAK

And I told you I will find the motive to tell your secret to someone and I did.

JULIAN BASHIR

You told Dukat I had a secret, you didn't tell what it was. And you did it to save me from him.

ELIM GARAK

Now you're so understanding but then you couldn't trust me anymore, did you? That's why you revealed everything to the Starfleet. You planned the whole thing. Manipulated your parents. Made a deal with the command. Told Miles to not hush it. Everything was carefully planned. But I'm sure it was a hard decision, and risky. And I put you in this position with my betrayal.

Julian sits up.

JULIAN BASHIR

So all this time you thought I did it because of you? Your ego is huge, Garak. Not everything revolves around you. I took the opportunity, that's all. I was rather tired of being under this pressure, yes, but you weren’t the one who was pressing, on the contrary, you were the one who I vent to when pressure was high. That's why I told you, I needed the confidant. So it had nothing to do with you and with you knowing. I didn't understand in full why you told it to Dukat but I wasn't scared of exposure because of that. I saw the opportunity and took it. I was more an asset than an enemy at that time. As you can see only the war could turn their heads like that. I didn't get any promotion for ten years after the end of it and they finally found the reason to chuck me out. Only war and Intelligence during it could see my value. That's why I took the deal, that's why I risked it. Not because of an obscure threat of exposure through the channel I opened myself. I knew what I was doing opening to you.

ELIM GARAK

How? How could you trust me? How could you know I wouldn't betray? And I did!

JULIAN BASHIR

No you didn't. You honestly said you will tell it to someone and when you did you did it not to harm me but to save me. And about how can I trust you? I don't know, maybe because the best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to simply trust them? Oh no, I'm quoting Hemingway to you and you despise him.

ELIM GARAK

Yes, and now you see why. It's a faulty logic - self-explanatory argument. Why do you trust? Because I trust. And verifying something just by doing it is ineffective - it doesn't make sense as a strategy because you have no controlled result, all the damage it could do it will do, what's the point in that? Again, not that long ago you trusted me not to leave with my all head devices untouched. I guess your logic was the same: I will know if he can be trusted and I don't really care how much damage it can do if he isn't.

JULIAN BASHIR

Yes, because it's not for that. It's for my own peace of mind.

ELIM GARAK

So it's egotistical? You have to know so you don't care how. End justifies the means.

JULIAN BASHIR

Slet. I didn't look at it like that.

ELIM GARAK

So you can't even check your own motives and execution of them even when you are perceived as an egotistical maniac by prejudice. Your Federational individuality upbringing. Remember you told me you have to constantly check if you're doing right and not as a sociopath, not as an egoist, not as egomaniac, not as Him. And you fail in such trivial issue. State teaches that you are what you are to other people. So we constantly check our motives.

JULIAN BASHIR

Oh, you should know that it's not the upbringing, it's individual trait. Or you wouldn’t have shit like Dukat under your boasted State.

ELIM GARAK

Oh, I know when exactly Dukat's shit was born and State had nothing to do with it.

JULIAN BASHIR

So you want to bring State back?

ELIM GARAK

What was good about it, yes.

JULIA BASHIR

In your exclusive opinion...

ELIM GARAK

Service to the community is a good thing.

JULIAN BASHIR

I'm not telling it isn't. But oppressing individuality is not. Federation has a good balance between good of the community and good of the individual. Your State had not. Your altruism is not healthy. It brings self-hatred without reason which as I said earlier is not very useful emotion. Also it breeds resentment and makes forbidden fruits that seem sweet. That's where Dukat's shit was born. Maybe I'm making such silly mistakes in your opinion but I won't be beating myself about it. And I won't let you beat me or yourself. And if you ever betray my trust just to show me I shouldn't trust you it would be on you and not on me!

ELIM GARAK

And you could live with that?

JULIAN BASHIR

Can I live with you betraying me? Probably not. Can I live with me trusting you? Yes, I can. As I said some things are just not our fault.

ELIM GARAK

They are just our responsibility. We are responsible for everything we do. You trust me and you responsible for me betraying you.

JULIAN BASHIR

One more time, Elim - you didn't betray me. See how good I am in choosing whom to trust. Like you chose to trust Dukat with my secret. It also didn't backfire somehow; I still don't know how. But I trusted you to trust him.

ELIM GARAK

I had calculated reasons.

JULIAN BASHIR

And you think I hadn't! That's what it's all about, we made the full and came back to your self-hatred. Isn't it a faulty logic? 'You can't trust me because you can't'. Proof, please. Or at least calculated reasons. Not your shitty self-hatred that has nothing to do with reality.

Garak sits up.

ELIM GARAK

I am trying to tell you those reasons!

JULIAN BASHIR

No, you actually are trying to tell ON you. And fail. So it's you who have no proof of your untrustworthiness and I have plenty of proof of your trustworthiness. You never betrayed me. You always were helping people. You are a good man.

ELIM GARAK

Once you shot me because I tried to kill all your friends saving my own skin. I wasn't the good man then.

JULIAN BASHIR

Again you tell on yourself. We both know that I wouldn't miss, and that you were trying to save ME and frankly wasn’t going to open that damn door. And I still shudder to think of your delight of that moment when you thought I actually could kill you. Your self-hatred is haunting me. I can't breathe. You cannot breathe. How do you live like that? How can I help?

ELIM GARAK

Leave me. Punish me. I breathe only when I'm punished.

JULIAN BASHR

"I'm junky, you will help me by giving me drugs!" That's what you're saying, silly lizard.

ELIM GARAK

You will leave anyway. I'm so useless.

JULIAN GARAK

 I have to talk to Naven. I don't think she's helping much. I understand how you feel and all but all tricks that helped me that I shared with you you ignored. I don't know how to help. I'll just be here. Maybe it's not much but... That's all I have. I’ll be here by your side day by day. Maybe someday you'll believe me.

ELIM GARAK

What do you have? The pity?

JULIA BASHIR

Of course, Elim, why else I would stay in this hellhole oozing sweat all over the place.

ELIM GARAK

Then why?

JULIAN BASHIR

Guess.

Long pregnant pause.

JULIAN BASHIR

That was sarcastic and rhetorical, idiot. I love you. Why else? You are my e'vira.

ELIM GARAK

Well, that's an obvious lie. I can’t be your e’vira accordingly to your psi’s. Firstly, I don't have the figure...

Garak shows exaggerated female figure on himself.

ELIM GARAK

Secondly...

JULIAN BASHIR

(Interrupting)

Oh shut up you clot.

Julian kisses Garak.

ELIM GARAK

You really trust me, my love?

JULIAN BASHIR

Of course, my love.

ELIM GARAK

If you trust me so so much does it mean you will trust me to make my own political decisions?

Julian rolls his eyes up and groans.

JULIAN BASHIR

You bastard! So all this was just a manipulation?

ELIM GARAK

Emotional blackmail. Naven had one good idea.

JULIAN BASHIR

I hate you.

ELIM GARAK

I know.

 

FADE OUT

THE END

of Episode II

**Author's Note:**

> Slet = (Kardasi) Fuck
> 
> Vesa = (Kardasi) Dream-like (from ‘imaginary’ suffix ‘vesa)
> 
> I used Tinsnip and Vyc’s version of the dictionary.


End file.
